Success (for kids)

I thought this was interesting. It's from The Messenger, magazine put out by the Evangelical Mission Conference (EMC). This is in Volume 50 No. 9 September 2012 and it's officially titled "A Good Beginning", written by Loreena Thiessen. This article is geared for kids, but since many of us probably didn't grow up with this type of teaching, it doesn't hurt for adults to read it as well.

This article reminds me so much of Chad this week! He's back in cross country running this year after taking a year off. I was so proud to watch him run yesterday afternoon because, even though he's not the fastest runner, he was committed to practice three mornings each week (in the cold), he was willing to try and do his best, and he never quit! 

Anyway. Here's the article:

What would you like to achieve this year?

Often when we begin something new we also look to its completion. We want it to go well, and we want to finish well. We call this success. We want to be successful.

Success can mean different things. One is to complete what we have aimed to do, to reach our goal. Another is that when we are finished with something we want to feel satisfied. Different outcomes can each be a success.

Did you watch the London Olympics? Think back to two different results, each one a success.

One is the perfect routine of Rose MacLennan, the Canadian trampolinist. She achieved her highest goal, to be the best, and she got the gold medal. Another one is the Canadian girls soccer team. They did not win a gold medal because they were not first, not second, but they were third best. They got a bronze medal and they were very satisfied. In fact, they were overjoyed. Why were they so happy?

First, they had a goal. Their goal was to win a medal. And they did. Second, they worked as hard as they could. They were playing against another very good team and they had to play their best. Third, they did not give up. Each player kept on believing they could win.

What do you want? Do you want to work well in a group on a project? Do you want good marks? Maybe you want to excel in history or in biology. Or you might want to be a peer helper because you can explain things clearly.

What do you need to succeed?

One thing you need is to have a reliable character. Character is how you behave when no one can see what you're doing. Are you honest when no one is looking? Character is the real you.

Second, you need a goal and you need to keep working toward it. If your goal is to clean your room, it means all of your clothes and all of your toys.

Third, you need to be motivated. This means you need to want to do it. If you're reading a book and you want to finish it you may have to give up something else, like talking on the phone.

The fourth thing you need is to be calm and patient; if your math assignment is hard, ask someone for help who can explain it again.

Fifth, you need to make sure what you eat is healthy and that you get outside everyday for exercise.

Sixth, never give up. Stay focused on what you want to achieve. You may fail some of the time, but you will reach your goal only if you keep at it.

God talks about what you do every day as a race. God is everlasting, the creator of all the earth and he does not get tired. If you depend on him, he will give you strength and the ability you need to do it. Read about it in Isaiah 40: 28-31.

Comforted by Strength

Strength. Who would think it's a word that would stir up such strong feelings! In my experience, the way the word has been used, it has had the opposite effect from what people intend for it to mean.

"You're so strong!"

"I could never go through what you're going through!"

I believe when we look at super tough situations around us, we feel hopeless. What can we do to help our loved one who is in the middle of a huge challenge, possibly even the absolute worst time of their life? What can we say that could make an ounce of difference in their ocean of pain and tears? What if we ask "how are you" and the person starts to cry? It's uncomfortable. It feels bad! So, when we see someone in the middle of a huge challenge and they can laugh and they might not burst into tears when we ask "how are you", it's so much more comfortable. I can tell myself that sharing a laugh or a superficial conversation has helped them (and maybe it has... not every conversation has to be deep and life-changing) and I could find something appropriate to say. Phew! That didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would!

Why is comfortable better? So I don't have to remember my own painful experiences? I don't want to be embarrassed by crying in front of someone? When we are comfortable, that doesn't necessarily mean our loved one is comforted.

What can we say to someone who is struggling? My Dad says it this way, "show up and then shut up!" Let the person speak. When my Mom died, the funeral was in Altona, and we had already been living in Winnipeg for a while. There were many special moments, of course, seeing people we don't see very often, having a small chance to honour some of the nurses who had cared for my Mom for so many years, having our Hutterite friends bless us with their beautiful choir and with food, I can't even list all of the ways it was special. But by far what stands out for me, by far, is when I saw friends show up from the Young Marrieds Bible Study group from our church in Winnipeg. I think I talked to a couple of them, but unfortunately didn't realize until after how many had actually been there. Do I know what they said? No. But just seeing them standing there is engraved in my brain, warms my heart, and raises the humidity in my eye region, to remember it now 10 1/2 years later. Did they have profound words of comfort? Probably not. But they were there.

From the book Understanding Your Grief, the author writes "If you are perceived as 'doing well' with your grief, you are considered 'strong' and 'under control.' The message is that the well-controlled person stays rational at all times." He suggests that we feel shame for mourning (the outward expression of grief), and that society may imply you are "immature", "overly-emotional", or "needy" or in more intense situations, even "crazy" or a "pathological mourner". He goes on to say that "society has it backwards in defining who is 'doing well' in grief and who is 'not going well'."

This part of the book was not only worth underlining, I've added a bracket and a star! "Often combined with these messages is an unstated, but strong belief that 'You have a right not to hurt. So do whatever is necessary to avoid it. Dismiss this trite suggestion... The unfortunate result is you may be encouraged to pop pills, avoid having a funeral ceremony, or deny any and all feelings of loss.... if you avoid your pain, the people around you will not have to 'be with' you in your pain or experience their own pain. While this may be more comfortable for them, it would prove to be unhealthy for you. The reality is that many people will try to shield themselves from pain by trying to protect you from it. Do not let anyone do this to you!"

He adds a quote from Philip Kapleau, "To suppress the grief, the pain, is to condemn oneself to a living death. Living fully means feeling fully; it means being completely one with what you are experiencing and not holding at arm's length.

Fantastic book. I can't say it enough!

I have to mention the other statement I made earlier: "I could never go through what you're going through." Two pieces of good news there. 1) You don't have to! These circumstances were not given to you, they were given to me. 2) Yes, you can! When your time of challenge comes, and it's pretty much a guarantee, you're going to find a way to get up and put one foot in front of the other.

What about reminders that others have it harder than you do? Anyone who's been through anything has probably been told this. Yes, of course we need to keep our circumstances in perspective and not take our blessings for granted. But, reminders that so-and-so has challenges too could come across sounding like, "you're making more of this than is appropriate" or "you don't have it so bad" or "I don't want to hear about it" or my favorite "you have no right to feel that way". By far, the majority of people I have met and talked to about the tough stuff they've had in their life, they are very aware that everyone has something to deal with in life. I know that is true for myself. Having the experiences that I've had, I can recognize similar feelings and thoughts in others. When a mom sits across from me at women's event and casually starts talking about how her son might have autism, she's not crying, not really expressing how difficult it is, just kinda mentioning she has a lot going on right now, I know she's not showing the heap of frustration and tears that come with that situation.

When discussing strength, I've got to mention supports! For myself, I find people who have "been there" or "get it" are priceless! What a relief when we can "compare notes" and feel less abnormal! When I can discuss ADHD and not be treated like I need to discipline my children more, or less, or differently, but rather say, "yep, I can relate!" I treasure friends that can answer my questions about Asperger's and specific issues that come up, or from time to time, we scratch our heads and say, "I have NO idea! Just keep doing your best!" The strength isn't in having the answers, it's in the relationship, the cups of coffee, the laughs and tears, and the listening.

But most importantly, God is our "refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1 NIV) "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV) If God is our most important source of strength, and if He IS our strength, why am I putting Him at the end of my post? Because He wants us to go out, be His hands and feet in the flesh. He can be near the hurting person, but He wants us to put our arms around them. He can provide, but we can bring a pot of soup. Many times people don't know where God is in their tough times, or maybe people have never experienced God. The easiest way to see Him is in His people, if we have the strength to do what He asks of us.

The Power of Story

Your life is your story. And you haven't experienced those highs for your benefit alone, nor those lows to carry alone. The lessons we learn in life are meant to be passed on and shared. About 10 years ago I was questioning why I had been given a certain set of circumstances to deal with in my life. There hasn't been one answer but rather many.

I believe God allows us to go through stuff to help other people go through stuff. To me, that explains everything while sounding like it explains nothing. What I didn't know at the time is there's actually a verse in the Bible that says exactly that. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.")

We keep our challenges to ourselves because we feel it's too much of a burden to bother anyone else with it. We often feel like we can't talk about what's on our hearts, that we can't express how we feel, or even ask for help because we can't place it on another person's shoulders to carry. As if it's not hard enough to walk through tough times, but to feel alone in it? It's too much! First and foremost, keeping God as our first priority instead of a last resort, Psalm 68:19 reminds us, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." But there is a time to share with people we trust. Galatians 6:2 tells us to "Share each others' burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ."

I'm not saying we need to dump all of our stuff on every person who asks, "how are you?" I do believe that there are pieces of our story that we need to share as the Lord prompts; conversely, I also believe there are times God prompts us to remain silent. I think the difference is this; am I sharing my story to bring glory to myself or deciding I have the answer to another's situation in my big brain, or is my aim to give the glory to God. Matthew 6:1-16 (read it at the bottom of this blog entry) talks about doing things to be admired by others, but in doing so, we lose our reward in Heaven.

We also need to be careful about the stories we say about ourselves or to ourselves. Our "story" could be a single word or it could be our life history. Maybe there's a negative characteristic you continue to brand yourself with. (Brand: 1) a mark made by burning or otherwise, to indicate kind, grade, make, ownership, etc. 2) to mark with disgrace or infamy; stigmatize. 3) to impress indelibly.) It might be a word like "shy", a phrase like "I suck at math", or a label someone has put on us, possibly even what they intended as a joke but it pierced our heart and branded our spirit. We come to a time when we need to give up these labels and believe that God has made us to be more than that story and that He is developing a bigger picture within us. Every time we repeat our story, we reaffirm that we are, in fact, that word, that phrase, that history. To counteract that, we need to discover the truth of who Christ says we are (Deuteronomy 11:18a "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds.") and take a serious look at our lives and make a point of seeing, and be grateful for, the characteristics and the new history He has given us or is developing in us and the good lessons we can find in tough circumstances. (Deuteronomy 30:14, 19b "But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your mind and in your heart, so that you can do it. I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life." Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.")

Often our story comes from deep within ourselves, an issue close to our hearts, and it's probably a source of pain or even shame. As we share these private pieces that we hold on to so tightly, the Lord can start to bring healing. I've been blessed to observe a friend who recently shared her story of an abusive past, another friend with a story of miscarriage, (I could list example after example) and as they started to release their grip on their pain and private thoughts and feelings, the Lord moved in a huge way. The friend who experienced abuse was able to forgive. The friend with the miscarriage was blessed with a healthy baby. And both women are now able to speak their new history with great impact. I've found God takes the most difficult circumstances and makes something new and beautiful from it. (Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.") When we're willing to share our stories, God can use it for His ultimate purpose, (Jeremiah 29:11-13 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'") which is to draw us closer to Himself and to point others toward Him.

As promised, Matthew 6, to emphasize why we need to be Spirit-led instead of self-led.
Matthew 6:1-16
“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. ² When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. ³ But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. ⁴ Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

⁵ “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. ⁶ But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

⁷ “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. ⁸ Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! ⁹ Pray like this:

Our Father in heaven,
may your name be kept holy.
¹⁰ May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today the food we need,
¹² and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
¹³ And don’t let us yield to temptation,
but rescue us from the evil one.

¹⁴ “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

¹⁶ “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. ¹⁷ But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. ¹⁸ Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.