Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The ADHD Child's Bill of Rights

The ADHD Child's Bill of Rights

1. “Help me to focus…” Please teach me through my sense of ‘touch’, I need ‘hands on’ and ‘body movement’.

2. “I need to know what comes next.” Please give me a structured environment where there is a dependable routine. Give me an advanced warning if there will be changes.

3. “Wait for me, I'm still thinking.” Please allow me to go at my own pace. If I rush, I get confused and upset.

4. “I'm stuck! I can’t do it!” Please offer me options for problem-solving. I need to know the detours when the road is blocked.

5. “Is it right? I need to know NOW!” Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I'm doing.

6. “I didn't forget, I didn't ‘hear’ it in the first place!” Please give me directions one step at a time and ask me to say back what I think you said.

7. “I didn't know I wasn't in my seat!” Please remind me to STOP, THINK and ACT.

8. “Am I almost done now?” Please give me short work periods with short-term goals.

9. “What?” Please don't say ‘I've already told you that’. Tell me again in different words- give me a signal- draw me a symbol.

10. “I know, it's ALL wrong, isn't it?” Please give me praise for partial success. Reward me for self-improvement, not just for perfection.

11. “But why do I always get yelled at?” Please catch me doing something right and praise me for my specific positive behaviour. Remind me (and yourself) about my good points, when I'm having a bad day.

12. I may be hard to live with, and have ADHD, but I still have feelings and would have never chosen to behave like I do sometimes…

Sunday, July 8, 2012

When Love Doesn't Come Easily

Discovering new ways to draw close to your child.

Written by Shannon Medisky
Summer 2012 Thriving Family magazine
by Focus on the Family.

My son Mark's adoption took more than two years to complete, giving me plenty of time to idealize what he would be like. But when Mary finally reached my arms, he more closely resembled a tiny tornado than the little boy I imagined.

At almost 3 years old, Mark could barely walk, couldn't talk, wouldn't feed himself and had a mountain of behavior issues. More than once, I caught him with his tiny fingers clenched around my other son's neck.

Mark was a broken little boy, and putting him back together was tearing me apart. To make matters worse, the love I had hoped would come easily had so far eluded me -- adding guilt to my burdened heart. I carried this guilt far too long before I realized that love takes many different forms.

Whether because of a language barrier or a broken heart, many adopted children are incapable of understanding verbal or physical expressions of love. In these situations with Mark, it's necessary for love to take different forms. Here are some of the different looks of love:

Meeting basic needs.
Whether it's attending to a medical concern or showing unending patience, meeting your child's basic needs clearly conveys how much you care. In Mark's case, the first gestures he understood as love were food on the table and clothes that fit properly.

Building trust through routines.
Often, adopted children have lost trust in adults because of too many bad surprises in their lives. It's no wonder these children thrive on consistency. Establishing a daily routine, which includes consistent mealtimes and bedtime, has eased Mark's fear of the unknown. He no longer fears what might happen because he knows what to expect.

Setting reasonable expectations.
This tells your child you have faith in his potential and are committed to helping him succeed. At times, clearly communicating your expectations may sound blunt. But love doesn't pity, and it's not always "warm and fuzzy". In Mark's case, speech delays make the simplest words difficult to say. Many times I've incurred glares from strangers as I encouraged him to use his words -- expecting him to try. As his mom, it's my job to help him venture outside his comfort zone so he can grow.

Validating emotions.
You can show love to your child by having arms that are quick to embrace with compassion, regardless of what emotions you encounter. Because of Mark's limited vocabulary, he often crumples in my lap sobbing. He needs me to validate his feelings he can't yet express with words. When I help by giving him the words, he knows I understand.

Without even realizing it, I was showing love to Mark in ways that no one had before. And, the more I purposed to attend to Mark's needs, the more my love for him grew. Perhaps it shouldn't come as a surprise that love, muck like a child, needs to be nurtured in order to grow and flourish.

Notes:
To be very clear, even though I can relate to many parts of this article, it is not about speaking poorly of biological parents, nor is it about making adoptive parents look like saints. 

And I can't emphasize this enough: if you have not been in this situation, there is no possible way you can understand. Other adoptive parents I've spoken with about this topic can relate.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

ADHD

I've taken this info from www.mayoclinic.com. As I do for my recipes, I'll give the info as they've written, and I'll add my own notes at the end.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children

 
© 1998-2012 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "MayoClinic.com," "EmbodyHealth," "Enhance your life," and the triple-shield Mayo Clinic logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Definition

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition that affects millions of children and often persists into adulthood. ADHD includes some combination of problems, such as difficulty sustaining attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior. Children with ADHD also may struggle with low self-esteem, troubled relationships and poor performance in school.
While treatment won't cure ADHD, it can help a great deal with symptoms. Treatment typically involves medications and behavioral interventions.
A diagnosis of ADHD can be scary, and symptoms can be a challenge for parents and children alike. However, treatment can make a big difference, and most children with ADHD grow up to be normal adults. 

Symptoms

ADHD has been called attention-deficit disorder (ADD) in the past. But, ADHD is now the preferred term because it describes both primary aspects of the condition: inattention and hyperactive-impulsive behavior.
While many children who have ADHD tend more toward one category than the other, most children have some combination of inattention and hyperactive-impulsive behavior. ADHD symptoms become more apparent during activities that require focused mental effort.
In order to be diagnosed with ADHD, signs and symptoms of the disorder must appear before the age of 7. In some children, signs of ADHD are noticeable as early as 2 or 3 years of age.
Signs and symptoms of inattention may include:
  • Often fails to pay close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork or other activities
  • Often has trouble sustaining attention during tasks or play
  • Seems not to listen even when spoken to directly
  • Has difficulty following through on instructions and often fails to finish schoolwork, chores or other tasks
  • Often has problems organizing tasks or activities
  • Avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort, such as schoolwork or homework
  • Frequently loses needed items, such as books, pencils, toys or tools
  • Can be easily distracted
  • Often forgetful
Signs and symptoms of hyperactive and impulsive behavior may include:
  • Fidgets or squirms frequently
  • Often leaves his or her seat in the classroom or in other situations when remaining seated is expected
  • Often runs or climbs excessively when it's not appropriate or, if an adolescent, might constantly feel restless
  • Frequently has difficulty playing quietly
  • Always seems on the go
  • Talks excessively
  • Blurts out the answers before questions have been completely asked
  • Frequently has difficulty waiting for his or her turn
  • Often interrupts or intrudes on others' conversations or games
ADHD behaviors can be different in boys and girls:
  • Boys are more likely to be primarily hyperactive, whereas girls are more frequently undiagnosed as they tend to be quietly inattentive.
  • Girls who have trouble paying attention often daydream, but inattentive boys are more likely to play or fiddle aimlessly.
  • Boys tend to be less compliant with teachers and other adults, so their behavior is often more conspicuous.
You may suspect your child's behavior is caused by ADHD if you notice consistently inattentive or hyperactive, impulsive behavior that:
  • Lasts more than six months
  • Occurs in more than just one setting (typically at home and at school)
  • Regularly disrupts school, play and other daily activities
  • Causes problems in relationships with adults and other children
Normal behavior vs. ADHD
Most healthy children are inattentive, hyperactive or impulsive at one time or another. For instance, parents may worry that a 3-year-old who can't listen to a story from beginning to end may have ADHD. But it's normal for preschoolers to have short attention spans and be unable to stick with one activity for long. Even in older children and adolescents, attention span often depends on the level of interest. Most teenagers can listen to music or talk to their friends for hours but may be a lot less focused about homework.
The same is true of hyperactivity. Young children are naturally energetic — they often wear their parents out long before they're tired. And they may become even more active when they're tired, hungry, anxious or in a new environment. In addition, some children just naturally have a higher activity level than do others. Children should never be classified as having ADHD just because they're different from their friends or siblings.
Children who have problems in school but get along well at home or with friends are likely struggling with something other than ADHD. The same is true of children who are hyperactive or inattentive at home, but whose schoolwork and friendships remain unaffected.
When to see a doctor
If you're concerned that your child is displaying signs of ADHD, such as trouble concentrating, difficulty sitting still, or an inability to control his or her behavior, see your pediatrician or family doctor. Your doctor may refer you to a specialist, but it's important to have a medical evaluation first to check for other causes of your child's difficulties.
If your child is already being treated for ADHD, he or she should see the doctor regularly — at least every six months if his or her symptoms are stable. Be sure to discuss how often your child should be seen for appointments with his or her doctor. Call the doctor if your child has any medication side effects, such as loss of appetite, trouble sleeping or increased irritability. Some children taking stimulant medications may lose their appetite and have difficulty maintaining the same height and weight growth rate. However, they will most likely reach their full growth potential by adulthood. 

Causes

Parents may blame themselves when a child is diagnosed with ADHD, but the causes likely have more to do with inherited traits than parenting choices. At the same time, certain environmental factors may contribute to or worsen a child's behavior. Although there's still a lot that isn't known about ADHD, several factors may cause it:
  • Altered brain function and anatomy. While the exact cause of ADHD remains a mystery, brain scans have revealed important differences in the structure and brain activity of people with ADHD. For example, there appears to be less activity in the areas of the brain that control activity levels and attention.
  • Heredity. ADHD tends to run in families. Several genes that may be associated with ADHD are currently being studied.
  • Maternal smoking, drug use and exposure to toxins. Pregnant women who smoke are at increased risk of having children with ADHD. Alcohol or drug abuse during pregnancy may reduce activity of the nerve cells (neurons) that produce neurotransmitters. Pregnant women who are exposed to environmental poisons also may be more likely to have children with symptoms of ADHD.
  • Childhood exposure to environmental toxins. Preschool children exposed to certain toxins are at increased risk of developmental and behavioral problems. Exposure to lead, which is found mainly in paint and pipes in older buildings, has been linked to disruptive and even violent behavior and to a short attention span.
  • Food additives. Substances added to food, such as artificial coloring or food preservatives, may contribute to hyperactive behavior. Although sugar is a popular suspect in causing hyperactivity, there's no reliable proof of this.

Risk factors

Risk factors for ADHD include:
  • Maternal exposure to toxins
  • Smoking, drinking alcohol or using drugs during pregnancy
  • A family history of ADHD or certain other behavioral and mood disorders
  • Low birth weight
ADHD frequently occurs along with certain other conditions, including:
  • Having a learning disability
  • Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Drug use

Complications

ADHD can make life difficult for children. Children with ADHD:
  • Often struggle in the classroom, which can lead to academic failure and judgment by other children and adults
  • Tend to have more accidents and injuries of all kinds than do children who don't have the disorder
  • Are more likely to have trouble interacting with peers and adults
  • Are at increased risk of alcohol and drug abuse and other delinquent behavior
Coexisting conditions
ADHD doesn't cause other psychological or developmental problems. However, children with ADHD are more likely than are other children to also have conditions such as:
  • Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). This condition is generally defined as a pattern of negative, defiant and hostile behavior toward authority figures.
  • Conduct disorder. A more serious condition than ODD, conduct disorder is marked by antisocial behavior such as stealing, fighting, destroying property and harming people or animals.
  • Depression and bipolar disorder. Depression frequently occurs in children with ADHD. Some children may have bipolar disorder, which includes depression as well as manic behavior.
  • Anxiety disorders. Anxiety disorders tend to occur fairly often in children with ADHD and may cause overwhelming worry, nervousness and worsening of ADHD symptoms. Once anxiety is treated and under control, children are better able to deal with the symptoms of ADHD.
  • Learning disabilities. Learning disabilities are common in children with ADHD. However, gifted learners also may have ADHD. Children with both ADHD and learning disabilities may need extra attention in the classroom or special education services.
  • Tourette syndrome. Many children with ADHD also have Tourette syndrome, a neurological disorder characterized by compulsive muscle or vocal tics

Preparing for your appointment

You're likely to start by taking your child to a family doctor or a pediatrician. Depending on the results of the initial evaluation, your doctor may refer you to a specialist, such as a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, psychologist, psychiatrist or pediatric neurologist.
It's a good idea to be well prepared for your child's appointment so that you can be sure you have time to cover all of the points that are important to you. Here's some information to help you get ready for your appointment, and know what to expect from your doctor.
What you can do
  • Write down any difficulties your child has at home or at school, including any that may seem unrelated to the reason for which you scheduled the appointment.
  • Write down key personal information, including any major stresses or recent life changes.
  • Make a list of all medications, as well as any vitamins or supplements, that your child is taking.
  • Write down questions to ask your child's doctor.
Your time with the doctor is limited, so preparing a list of questions will help you make the most of your time together. List your questions from most important to least important in case time runs out. For ADHD, some basic questions to ask your doctor include:
  • Other than ADHD, what are other possible causes for my child's symptoms?
  • What kinds of tests does my child need?
  • What treatments are available, and which do you recommend for my child?
  • What are the alternatives to the primary approach that you're suggesting?
  • My child has these other health conditions. How can I best manage these conditions together?
  • Should my child see a specialist?
  • Is there a generic alternative to the medicine you're prescribing for my child?
  • What types of side effects can we expect from the medication?
  • Are there any brochures or other printed material that I can take home with me? What websites do you recommend visiting?
In addition to the questions that you've prepared to ask your doctor, don't hesitate to ask questions anytime you don't understand something during your appointment.
What to expect from your doctor
Your doctor is likely to ask you a number of questions, and being ready with answers will leave you more time to spend on other issues of concern to you:
  • When did you first notice your child's behavior issues?
  • Do the troubling behaviors occur everywhere or only in certain situations?
  • How severe are your child's difficulties?
  • What, if anything, appears to worsen your child's behavior?
  • What, if anything, seems to improve your child's behavior?
  • In what settings have you noticed your child having difficulties: at home, at school or in other situations?
  • Does your child consume caffeine? How much?
  • What are your child's sleep hours and patterns?
  • How is your child's current and past academic performance? If you have them, bring any past evaluations and results of formal testing with you.
  • Does your child read at home? Does he or she have trouble reading?
  • What discipline methods have you used at home? Which ones are effective?
  • Describe who lives at home and a typical daily routine.

Tests and diagnosis

There's no specific test for ADHD. Gathering as much information as possible about your child is the best way to get an accurate diagnosis and rule out other possible causes of your child's symptoms.
An appointment to check for ADHD usually begins with a complete medical exam and a number of questions about your child's health, medical problems, difficulties, and issues that occur at school and at home.
Children diagnosed with ADHD have symptoms over a long period of time and have particular trouble in stressful, demanding situations or in activities that require sustained attention, such as reading, doing math problems or playing board games.
In general, a child shouldn't receive a diagnosis of ADHD unless the core symptoms of ADHD start early in life and create significant problems at home and at school on an ongoing basis.
Diagnostic criteria for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder
To be diagnosed with ADHD, your child must meet the criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM-IV). This manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association. For a diagnosis of ADHD, a child must have six or more signs and symptoms from one of the two categories below (or, six or more signs and symptoms from each of the two categories).
Inattention
  • Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork and other activities
  • Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
  • Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
  • Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork or chores (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions)
  • Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
  • Often avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework)
  • Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (for example, toys, school assignments, pencils, books)
  • Is often easily distracted
  • Is often forgetful in daily activities
Hyperactivity and impulsivity
  • Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat
  • Often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected
  • Often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate
  • Often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly
  • Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor"
  • Often talks excessively
  • Often blurts out answers before questions have been completed
  • Often has difficulty awaiting turn
  • Often interrupts or intrudes on others (for example, butts into conversations or games)
In addition to having at least six signs or symptoms from one of the two categories, a child with ADHD:
  • Has inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive signs and symptoms that caused impairment and were present before age 7
  • Has behaviors that aren't normal for children the same age who don't have ADHD
  • Has symptoms for at least six months
  • Has symptoms that affect school, home life or relationships in more than one setting (such as at home and at school)
A child diagnosed with ADHD is often given a more specific diagnosis, such as:
  • Predominantly inattentive-type ADHD — a child has at least six signs and symptoms from the inattention list above.
  • Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive-type ADHD — a child has at least six signs and symptoms from the hyperactivity and impulsivity list above.
  • Combined type ADHD — a child has six or more signs and symptoms from each of the two lists above.
Other conditions that resemble ADHD
Your child's doctor will want to check for all possible causes of your child's behavior. A number of medical conditions or their treatments may cause signs and symptoms similar to those of ADHD, including:
  • Learning or language problems
  • Mood disorders (such depression)
  • Anxiety disorders
  • Seizure disorders
  • Vision or hearing problems
  • Tourette syndrome
  • Sleep disorders
  • Thyroid medication
Not only can some of these conditions cause symptoms that mimic ADHD, but these and other coexisting conditions also are found in children with ADHD.
Diagnosing ADHD in young children
Although signs of ADHD can sometimes appear in preschoolers or children even younger, diagnosing the disorder in very young children is difficult. That's because developmental problems such as language delays can be mistaken for ADHD. For that reason, children preschool age or younger suspected of having ADHD are more likely to need evaluation by a specialist such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, speech pathologist or developmental pediatrician.
Questionnaires and interviews
Because ADHD symptoms may not be obvious in a medical office, the doctor is likely to use questionnaires and interviews to learn more about your child's behavior. Your child's doctor may want to interview or send questionnaires to your child's teachers or other people who know your child well, such as baby sitters and coaches. Your child's doctor may also use ADHD rating scales to help collect and evaluate information about your child.

Treatments and drugs

Standard treatments for ADHD in children include medications and counseling. Other treatments to ease the effects of ADHD symptoms include special accommodations in the classroom, and family and community support.
Medications
Currently, stimulant drugs (psychostimulants) and the nonstimulant medication atomoxetine (Strattera) are the most commonly prescribed medications for treating ADHD.
Stimulant medications for ADHD include:
  • Methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, Daytrana)
  • Dextroamphetamine-amphetamine (Adderall)
  • Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine, Dextrostat)
Stimulants appear to boost and balance levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. These ADHD medications help improve the core signs and symptoms of inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity — sometimes dramatically. However, these medications only work for a limited time. Additionally, the right dose varies from child to child, so it may take some time in the beginning to find the correct dose.
Stimulant drugs are available in short-acting and long-acting forms.
  • The short-acting forms last about four hours, while the long-acting preparations usually last between six and 12 hours.
  • Methylphenidate is available in a long-acting patch that can be worn on the hip (Daytrana). It delivers medication for about nine hours. While the long-lasting effects mean your child won't need to take medication as often, it can take up to three hours to start working. For it to work in the morning, the patch may need to be put in place early while your child is still asleep.
Stimulant medication side effects
The most common side effects of stimulant medications in children include:
  • Decreased appetite
  • Weight loss
  • Problems sleeping
  • Irritability as the effect of the medication tapers off
A few children may develop jerky muscle movements, such as grimaces or twitches (tics), but these usually disappear when the dose of medication is lowered. Stimulant medications may also be associated with a slightly reduced growth rate in children, although in most cases growth isn't permanently affected.
ADHD medications and heart problems
Although rare, several heart-related deaths occurred in children and adolescents taking stimulant medications. The increased risk of sudden death is believed to be in people who already have underlying heart disease or a heart defect. Your child's doctor will make sure your child doesn't have any signs of a heart condition, and will ask about family risk factors for heart disease before prescribing a stimulant medication.
Nonstimulant medication
Atomoxetine is generally given to children with ADHD when stimulant medications aren't effective or cause side effects. In addition to reducing ADHD symptoms, atomoxetine may also reduce anxiety. Given one or two times a day, atomoxetine side effects can include nausea and sedation. It can also cause reduced appetite and weight loss.
Nonstimulant medication side effects
Atomoxetine has been linked to rare side effects that include liver problems. If your child is taking atomoxetine and develops yellow skin (jaundice), dark-colored urine or unexplained flu symptoms, contact the doctor right away.
There may also be a slightly increased risk of suicidal thinking in children and adolescents taking atomoxetine. Contact your child's doctor if you notice any signs of suicidal thinking or other signs of depression.
Other medications used to treat ADHD include:
  • Antidepressants. These medications are generally used in children who don't respond to stimulants or atomoxetine, or who have a mood disorder as well as ADHD.
  • Clonidine (Catapres) and guanfacine (Intuniv, Tenex). These are high blood pressure medications shown to help with ADHD symptoms. They may be prescribed to reduce tics or insomnia caused by other ADHD medications, or to treat aggression caused by ADHD.
Giving medications safely
Making sure your child takes the right amount of the prescribed medication is very important. Parents may be concerned about stimulants and the risk of abuse and addiction. Dependence hasn't been shown in children who take these drugs for appropriate reasons and at the proper dose. That's because medication levels in the brain rise too slowly to produce a "high." On the other hand, there's concern that siblings and classmates of children and teenagers with ADHD might abuse stimulant medications. To keep your child's medications safe and to make sure your child is getting the right dose of medication at the right time:
  • Administer medications carefully. Children and teens shouldn't be in charge of their own ADHD medication.
  • At home, keep medication locked in a childproof container. An overdose of stimulant drugs is serious and potentially fatal.
  • Don't send supplies of medication to school with your child. Deliver any medicine yourself to the school nurse or health office.
ADHD counseling and therapy
Children with ADHD often benefit from behavior therapy or counseling, which may be provided by a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or other mental health care professional. Some children with ADHD may also have other conditions such as anxiety disorder or depression. In these cases, counseling may help both ADHD and the coexisting problem.
Counseling types include:
  • Behavior therapy. Teachers and parents can learn behavior-changing strategies for dealing with difficult situations. These strategies may include token reward systems and timeouts.
  • Psychotherapy. This allows older children with ADHD to talk about issues that bother them, explore negative behavioral patterns and learn ways to deal with their symptoms.
  • Parenting skills training. This can help parents develop ways to understand and guide their child's behavior
  • Family therapy. Family therapy can help parents and siblings deal with the stress of living with someone who has ADHD.
  • Social skills training. This can help children learn appropriate social behaviors.
  • Support groups. Support groups can offer children with ADHD and their parents a network of social support, information and education.
The best results usually occur when a team approach is used, with teachers, parents, and therapists or physicians working together. You can help by making every effort to work with your child's teachers and by referring them to reliable sources of information to support their efforts in the classroom.
Symptoms often lessen with age. However, most people never completely outgrow their ADHD symptoms.

Lifestyle and home remedies

Because ADHD is a complex disorder and each person with ADHD is unique, it's hard to make recommendations that are right for every child. But some of the following suggestions may help:
Children at home
  • Show your child lots of affection. Children need to hear that they're loved and appreciated. Focusing only on the negative aspects of your child's behavior can harm your relationship with him or her and affect self-confidence and self-esteem. If your child has a hard time accepting verbal signs of affection, a smile, a pat on the shoulder or a hug can show you care. Look for behaviors for which you can compliment your child regularly.
  • Be patient. Try to remain patient and calm when dealing with your child, even when your child is out of control. If you're calm, your child is more likely to calm down, too.
  • Keep things in perspective. Be realistic in your expectations for improvement — both your own and your child's.
  • Take time to enjoy your child. Make an effort to accept and appreciate the parts of your child's personality that aren't so difficult. One of the best ways to do this is simply to spend time together. This should be a private time when no other children or adults interfere. Try to give your child more positive than negative attention every day.
  • Try to keep a regular schedule for meals, naps and bedtime. Use a big calendar to mark special activities that will be coming up. Children with ADHD have a hard time accepting and adjusting to change. Avoid sudden transitions from one activity to another.
  • Make sure your child is rested. Try to keep your child from becoming overtired, because fatigue often makes symptoms of ADHD worse.
  • Identify difficult situations. Try to avoid situations that are difficult for your child, such as sitting through long presentations or shopping in malls and supermarkets where the array of merchandise can be overwhelming.
  • Use timeouts or the loss of a privilege to discipline your child. For children with ADHD, a timeout from social stimulation can be very effective. Timeouts should be relatively brief, but long enough for your child to regain control. The idea is to interrupt and defuse out-of-control behavior. A timeout doesn't work for everything, but many parents have found that it's one of the best tools for managing the behavior of an overactive or impulsive child.
  • Work on organization. Help your child organize and maintain a daily assignment notebook and be sure your child has a quiet place to study. Group objects in the child's room and store in clearly marked spaces. Try to keep his or her environment organized and uncluttered.
  • Find ways to improve your child's self-esteem and sense of discipline. Children with ADHD often do very well with art projects, music or dance lessons, or martial arts classes, especially karate or tae kwon do. But don't force children into activities that are beyond their abilities. A series of small frequent successes, rather than large infrequent ones, help to build self-esteem.
  • Use simple words and demonstrate when giving your child directions. Speak slowly and quietly and be very specific and concrete. Give one direction at a time. Stop and make eye contact with the child before and while you're giving directions.
  • Take a break yourself. If you're exhausted and stressed, you're a much less effective parent.
Children in school
  • Ask about school programs. Take advantage of any special programs your school may have for children with ADHD. As with other disabilities, schools are required by law to have a program in place to make sure children who have a disability that interferes with learning are getting the support they need. Your child may be eligible for additional services offered under the federal laws Section 504 or the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). These can include curriculum adjustments, changes in classroom setup, modified teaching techniques, study skills instruction, and increased collaboration between parents and teachers.
  • Talk to your child's teachers. Stay in close communication with your child's teachers, and support their efforts to help your child in the classroom. Be sure teachers closely monitor your child's work, provide positive feedback, and are flexible and patient. Ask that they be very clear about their instructions and expectations.
  • Ask about having your child use a computer in the classroom. Children with ADHD often have trouble with handwriting and can greatly benefit from using a computer or a typewriter.

Alternative medicine

There's little research that indicates that alternative medicine treatments can significantly reduce ADHD symptoms. Some alternative medicine treatments that have been tried include:
  • Yoga and meditation. While it might seem to make sense that two calming activities, such as yoga and meditation, would help reduce symptoms of ADHD, there's no conclusive evidence that either therapy does so.
  • Special diets. Most diets for ADHD involve eliminating foods thought to increase hyperactivity, such as sugar and caffeine, and common allergens such as wheat, milk and eggs. Some diets recommend eliminating artificial food colorings and additives. So far, studies haven't found a consistent link between diet and improved symptoms of ADHD, though a limited number of studies suggest diet changes might make a difference. Limiting sugar, however, doesn't seem to help.
  • Vitamin or mineral supplements. While certain vitamins and minerals are necessary for good health, there's no evidence that supplemental vitamins or minerals can reduce symptoms of ADHD. "Megadoses" of vitamins — doses that far exceed the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) — can be harmful.
  • Herbal supplements. There is no evidence to suggest that herbal remedies, such as St. John's wort, help with ADHD.
  • Essential fatty acids. These fats, which include omega-3 oils, are necessary for the brain to function properly. Researchers are still investigating whether these may improve ADHD symptoms.
  • Neurofeedback training. Also called electroencephalographic biofeedback, this treatment involves regular sessions in which a child focuses on certain tasks while using a machine that shows brain wave patterns. Theoretically, a child can learn to keep brain wave patterns active in the front of the brain — improving symptoms of ADHD. While this treatment looks promising, more research is needed to see whether this treatment works.

Coping and support

Caring for a child with ADHD can be challenging for the whole family. Parents may be hurt by their child's behavior as well as by the way other people respond to it. The stress of dealing with ADHD can lead to marital stress. These problems may be compounded by the financial burden that ADHD can place on families.
Siblings of a child with ADHD also may have special difficulties. They can be affected by a brother or sister who is demanding or aggressive, and they may also receive less attention because the child with ADHD requires so much of a parent's time.
Resources
There are no easy answers for struggling families, but many resources are available that may help. Parents can get advice on raising a child with ADHD from a social worker or other mental health care professional or from a support group. Support groups don't appeal to everyone, but they often can provide excellent information about coping with ADHD from people who know. Ask your child's doctor if he or she knows of any support groups in your area.
There also are excellent books and guides for both parents and teachers, and Internet sites dealing exclusively with ADHD.
Techniques for coping
Many parents notice patterns in their child's behavior as well as in their own responses to that behavior. For instance, your child might throw a tantrum every night before dinner, and you might routinely give him or her a snack so that you can finish preparing the meal in peace. Although you don't mean to, you end up encouraging your child's behavior. Both you and your child need to act differently. But substituting new habits for old ones isn't easy — it takes real awareness and a lot of hard work. It's important to have realistic expectations and not ask more of your child than is physically or mentally possible. Set small goals for both yourself and your child and don't try to make a lot of changes all at once.
Here are a few things that can help you and your child manage ADHD:
  • Structure your child's life. You can help make change easier by ensuring that your child has the right kind of structure. For children with ADHD, structure doesn't mean rigidity or iron discipline. Instead, it means arranging things so that a child's life is as predictable, calm and organized as possible. Children with ADHD don't handle change well, and having predictable routines can make them feel safe as well as help improve behavior. Give your child a few minutes warning — with a countdown — when it's necessary to change from one activity or location to another.
  • Provide positive discipline. One of the best ways to instill new habits is to provide firm, loving discipline that rewards good behavior and discourages destructive actions. Children with ADHD usually respond well to positive reinforcement, as long as it's genuinely earned. It's best to start by rewarding or reinforcing a new behavior every time it occurs. After a short time, this probably won't be necessary, but you need to continue to let your child know that you're serious about encouraging new habits. Some parents object to rewards because they seem like bribery. But changing old habits is extremely hard, and rewards are simply a concrete way of recognizing your child's efforts.
  • Stay calm and set a good example. You also need to set a good example by acting the way you want your child to act. Try to remain patient and in control — even when your child is out of control. If you speak quietly and calmly, your child is more likely to calm down, too.
  • Strive for healthy family relationships. Finally, the relationship among all the family members plays a large part in managing or changing the behavior of a child with ADHD. Couples who have a strong bond often find it easier to face the challenges of parenting than do those whose bond isn't as strong. That's one reason it's important for partners to take time to nurture their own relationship.
  • Give yourself a break. If you're the parent of a child with ADHD, be sure to give yourself a break now and then. Don't feel guilty for spending a few hours apart from your child. You'll be a better parent if you're rested and relaxed. And don't hesitate to ask friends, grandparents and other relatives for help. Make certain baby sitters or alternative caretakers are knowledgeable about ADHD and mature enough to be prepared for the task.

Prevention

There's no way to prevent ADHD from occurring. However, there are a few steps that could help prevent problems caused by ADHD and assure your child is as physically, mentally and emotionally healthy as possible:
  • During pregnancy, avoid anything that could harm fetal development. Don't drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or use drugs.
  • Protect your child from exposure to pollutants and toxins, including cigarette smoke, agricultural or industrial chemicals, and lead paint (found in some old buildings).
  • Be consistent, set limits and have clear consequences for your child's behavior.
  • Put together a daily routine for your child with clear expectations that include such things as bedtime, morning time, mealtime, simple chores and television.
  • Avoid multitasking yourself when talking with your child, make eye contact when giving instructions, and set aside a few minutes every day to praise your child.
  • Work with teachers and caregivers to identify problems early. If your child does have ADHD or another condition that interferes with learning or social interaction, early treatment can reduce the impact of the condition.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Austim and Asperger's Resources

I'm trying to think of various resources that have been helpful in our journey with Asperger's. In the last couple of years, I've had a few conversations with moms who had recent autism diagnoses for their kids and I have so much I could share with them, but it's just too much information to unload at once, or in a few conversations.

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.ca/ A gentleman named Gavin Bollard writes this blog and one of the reasons it's so packed with information is because not only does he have two children on the spectrum, he himself has been diagnosed with Asperger's. He's a fantastic writer and provides so much insight into the issues found on the spectrum.

http://www.facebook.com/makingroom This one has been created by Michael Woods, another father with kids on the spectrum. This is a Christian family, so the content is definitely faith-based. I love that he is very honest about his challenges, however, he encourages people to look for positives and to have a good attitude in the midst of it.

http://specialneedsministry.org/This is Michael Woods' blog.

http://www.paulakluth.com/ Wow! Isn't that just like God? As I'm writing this blog, a friend posts this on my FB profile! God does see us and He cares about the stuff we experience.


http://autismdivahelp.blogspot.ca/ This blog is written by one of the women I "met" in the Autism Winnipeg FB group. Her name is Lou Lovrin and she's a tell-it-like-it-is kind of lady :) I think when we become autism parents, we all become a little more outspoken!

http://www.todaysparent.com/family/family-health/sensoryt-processing-disorder/
Great article on sensory needs! I think this describes it well. We all have sensory needs (wiggling your foot as you sit with your legs crossed, jingling something in your pocket, hating to wear socks, etc). The difference is that it can become such a huge preference that it causes issues.

http://www.smartkidswithld.org/ld-basics/treatments-and-support/helping-a-child-with-anxiety-disorder
Helpful article on anxiety.

I'll keep adding to this list as time goes on.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Schools Threatening Parents With CFS? Yup, They Do That...

This entire post is written by a Winnipeg woman, Lou Lovrin, a true Warrior Mom, as mothers of autistic children are known. I have reposted with her permission, and the reason I wanted to post it is because I can relate to it all too well.

Don't worry School Divsion 2... This is not about you.

I get reader emails once in a while. Not tons of it, but enough to want to start a newspaper column called Dear Lola the Crazy Diva. I do my best NOT to blog about emails I receive, but this one is laying heavy on my heart. I just can't stop thinking about it. It's really upsetting to me that schools do this all the time, and yet when we as parents call CFS to complain about how schools treat or manhandle our children, nothing is done.

People wonder why our kids are a generation away from barbarianism... This is why people!!! We're not allowed to discipline our kids anymore. Don't even think of raising your voice at them, or the school WILL call CFS. You will be investigated for abuse, and God help you... Teacher stuffs a special needs child in a duffel bag, and that's OK, but raise your voice or shove your child out away from danger... All hell breaks loose, and you've just become the WORST PARENT EVER!!!

Settle down... I'm not promoting child abuse here folks. My dad took a belt to me, and I remember it well. I'm 37 years old and still afraid of my dad. As a result, we don't have a relationship, leaving me without a family to turn to... But ch'a know what? I'm OK. I'm not breaking and entering, I'm not using drugs, I'm not a drunk, and I pay my taxes... Have I thought of smacking Dayton with a belt? Absolutely NOT. NEVER, EVER would I take a belt to my babe. Have I smacked his butt? Yup. With my hand. Believe me when I tell you, the boy must have a callused butt or something, because my hand hurt more than his bony, little butt. Now, before you start dialling CFS, I gave him one swat on a fully clothed butt. No bruises on his body, but I believe I may have bruised his ego. Have I raised my voice at my son? I plead the 5th. Does Canada have the 5th? Hmmmm... I'm sure we do... Either way, I'm not discussing my parenting style, as I plan on writing a book titled How To Raise The Perfect Child and I'm a gonna make a kill'n on it.

For some reason, kids with special needs are an enormous headache on our schools. I don't know what the problem is with our educators, but they view our kids' disabilities as a "parenting problem." Say the word ADHD, and you can literally see their eyes glaze over. They're not listening to a single word you're telling them after you've said ADHD. Behavioural issue. That's all they see. Tell them you're going through a separation with your spouse, and they're dialling the number to CFS. I'm not kidding here, that's what's happened to this poor guy who emailed me. There were other things that went on for this dad of two, but I can't share more because I don't know how many incidences schools have with the same behaviour's and I don't want to jeopardize this dad's chances at an amicable resolution... if this school is capable of it that is...

I can't be too hard on the schools though. Dayton's school has been a blessing this year, and his teacher just absolutely amazing. I've missed triage conferences this week, and the teacher actually emailed me wanting me us to meet up at a more convenient time for her to show me Dayton's work! I've never had a teacher do that before!!! She actually cares!!! Last weekend (yes, you read that right, Saturday evening actually), Dayton's teacher called me at home to discuss his magnet board for earning rewards and was concerned for Dayton, wanting him to feel successful and wanting to WORK WITH ME to tweak the reward system!!! Again, this is the first time EVER that I've had a teacher do this. But, not all of us are so lucky. I know I wasn't last year, or the year before, or the year before that... Ugh. I wish I could name Dayton's teacher, so that everyone would know who this amazing woman is. It's killing me not being able to share with you all, and let you know that she is real and not a figment of my imagination... Now, back to this poor dad's problem, a problem most of us face.

Schools will always call CFS on a kid with a label. This is not coming from me, but from a CFS worker I used to work with. Yes, I worked with a CFS worker, and no, no one made me. I loved her. She was a fire cracker. Dayton's school's biggest threat was to call CFS (which they did three times), so I brought CFS to them. The school didn't like that AT ALL. Their power over me was gone. Nothing left to threaten me with. As you know, I always carry a little crazy with me, you just never know when it will come in handy, and it sure did last year when I'd finally had enough of their BS. It was the best thing I ever did.

So yes, schools do use CFS to threaten parents. It sucks, but it's very, very true. The way to get around it? Even though uncomfortable, invite them in your home, it's not like you have anything to hide, unless of course you DO have a gun hiding under your bed. Invite CFS to ALL school meetings. You would be surprised how helpful CFS can be TO THE PARENT! Take whatever CFS offers you, for example: counselling. Counselling never hurt anyone, and let's face it, raising a child with disabilities is NOT an easy task. Some of us have no families to turn to, and it's nice to have someone to vent to. Not only that, but maybe, just maybe, they might have suggestions in parenting. You just never know until you keep an open mind and give it a shot.

By the way... The CFS worker/fire cracker told me to get used to it... That's right, schools will call CFS on you many, many times, especially those of us who have kids with ADHD and kids on the autism spectrum. Awesome. And those of us with kids diagnosed with PDD-NOS... well, it appears that we are haunted by threats of CFS the most. FANTASTIC!!! So, buckle up folks, we're in for a loooooong ride. Personally, I've got eight years left to go. I think I can make it. If not, there's always Valium. And wine, mommy's little helper.


Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Comforted by Strength

Strength. Who would think it's a word that would stir up such strong feelings! In my experience, the way the word has been used, it has had the opposite effect from what people intend for it to mean.

"You're so strong!"

"I could never go through what you're going through!"

I believe when we look at super tough situations around us, we feel hopeless. What can we do to help our loved one who is in the middle of a huge challenge, possibly even the absolute worst time of their life? What can we say that could make an ounce of difference in their ocean of pain and tears? What if we ask "how are you" and the person starts to cry? It's uncomfortable. It feels bad! So, when we see someone in the middle of a huge challenge and they can laugh and they might not burst into tears when we ask "how are you", it's so much more comfortable. I can tell myself that sharing a laugh or a superficial conversation has helped them (and maybe it has... not every conversation has to be deep and life-changing) and I could find something appropriate to say. Phew! That didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would!

Why is comfortable better? So I don't have to remember my own painful experiences? I don't want to be embarrassed by crying in front of someone? When we are comfortable, that doesn't necessarily mean our loved one is comforted.

What can we say to someone who is struggling? My Dad says it this way, "show up and then shut up!" Let the person speak. When my Mom died, the funeral was in Altona, and we had already been living in Winnipeg for a while. There were many special moments, of course, seeing people we don't see very often, having a small chance to honour some of the nurses who had cared for my Mom for so many years, having our Hutterite friends bless us with their beautiful choir and with food, I can't even list all of the ways it was special. But by far what stands out for me, by far, is when I saw friends show up from the Young Marrieds Bible Study group from our church in Winnipeg. I think I talked to a couple of them, but unfortunately didn't realize until after how many had actually been there. Do I know what they said? No. But just seeing them standing there is engraved in my brain, warms my heart, and raises the humidity in my eye region, to remember it now 10 1/2 years later. Did they have profound words of comfort? Probably not. But they were there.

From the book Understanding Your Grief, the author writes "If you are perceived as 'doing well' with your grief, you are considered 'strong' and 'under control.' The message is that the well-controlled person stays rational at all times." He suggests that we feel shame for mourning (the outward expression of grief), and that society may imply you are "immature", "overly-emotional", or "needy" or in more intense situations, even "crazy" or a "pathological mourner". He goes on to say that "society has it backwards in defining who is 'doing well' in grief and who is 'not going well'."

This part of the book was not only worth underlining, I've added a bracket and a star! "Often combined with these messages is an unstated, but strong belief that 'You have a right not to hurt. So do whatever is necessary to avoid it. Dismiss this trite suggestion... The unfortunate result is you may be encouraged to pop pills, avoid having a funeral ceremony, or deny any and all feelings of loss.... if you avoid your pain, the people around you will not have to 'be with' you in your pain or experience their own pain. While this may be more comfortable for them, it would prove to be unhealthy for you. The reality is that many people will try to shield themselves from pain by trying to protect you from it. Do not let anyone do this to you!"

He adds a quote from Philip Kapleau, "To suppress the grief, the pain, is to condemn oneself to a living death. Living fully means feeling fully; it means being completely one with what you are experiencing and not holding at arm's length.

Fantastic book. I can't say it enough!

I have to mention the other statement I made earlier: "I could never go through what you're going through." Two pieces of good news there. 1) You don't have to! These circumstances were not given to you, they were given to me. 2) Yes, you can! When your time of challenge comes, and it's pretty much a guarantee, you're going to find a way to get up and put one foot in front of the other.

What about reminders that others have it harder than you do? Anyone who's been through anything has probably been told this. Yes, of course we need to keep our circumstances in perspective and not take our blessings for granted. But, reminders that so-and-so has challenges too could come across sounding like, "you're making more of this than is appropriate" or "you don't have it so bad" or "I don't want to hear about it" or my favorite "you have no right to feel that way". By far, the majority of people I have met and talked to about the tough stuff they've had in their life, they are very aware that everyone has something to deal with in life. I know that is true for myself. Having the experiences that I've had, I can recognize similar feelings and thoughts in others. When a mom sits across from me at women's event and casually starts talking about how her son might have autism, she's not crying, not really expressing how difficult it is, just kinda mentioning she has a lot going on right now, I know she's not showing the heap of frustration and tears that come with that situation.

When discussing strength, I've got to mention supports! For myself, I find people who have "been there" or "get it" are priceless! What a relief when we can "compare notes" and feel less abnormal! When I can discuss ADHD and not be treated like I need to discipline my children more, or less, or differently, but rather say, "yep, I can relate!" I treasure friends that can answer my questions about Asperger's and specific issues that come up, or from time to time, we scratch our heads and say, "I have NO idea! Just keep doing your best!" The strength isn't in having the answers, it's in the relationship, the cups of coffee, the laughs and tears, and the listening.

But most importantly, God is our "refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1 NIV) "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV) If God is our most important source of strength, and if He IS our strength, why am I putting Him at the end of my post? Because He wants us to go out, be His hands and feet in the flesh. He can be near the hurting person, but He wants us to put our arms around them. He can provide, but we can bring a pot of soup. Many times people don't know where God is in their tough times, or maybe people have never experienced God. The easiest way to see Him is in His people, if we have the strength to do what He asks of us.