__________ Like It's 1999

May 22, 1999. 

I thought I knew what it meant to commit to "for better or worse". I certainly didn't take it lightly. I suppose I could only prepare myself for a future that may include what I had already experienced in my past, not being familiar with other challenges that could happen. 

It has not been a difficult day, but I have been keenly aware of the different versions of this day over the years.

How many years was this a celebratory day? Anniversary trips, adventures, laughing and loving. How many years was it lonely or difficult? 

Today wasn't any of those. A kind text message waiting was for me when I woke up, wishing me a happy anniversary. 

I wasn't watching the clock like I would previous years, knowing which wedding activities we did each hour. I saw the time at 11:50 and realized we were almost married by then. 

I spent the day preparing for the girls to go away for the weekend, without me, which is usual. It's always difficult but it's how we do things and it always feels gross.

When I met Johan to drop off the girls, we grabbed quick takeout from Subway, which reminded me of our silly wedding day supper. The wedding was over, reception was done, photos were complete. We were hungry. So our entire bridal party went to a Chinese restaurant and had dinner. But today, Johan and the kids ate in the car on the way to church camp and I ate in my van on the way home.

Sixteen years in, we've got a 14 year old (fully grown man!), a 10 year old young lady, and our tiny little 7 year old that's still so much my baby. Where did the time go! 

It strikes me too that this isn't an especially sad day. There have been other sad years. Plenty of sad days within the years. It's disappointing, no doubt about it, that this is where things are at. Broken. 

I suppose it simply is a peaceful acceptance that this is how it is right now. Only God knows what May 22nd will look like in upcoming years.